'I'm currently 27 and earn over $170k a year': Old money parents want daughter-in-law to give up her high paying job to be a stay-at-home mom, freaks out when she asks for money in a trust

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JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
Jul 7, 2025 4:00 PM EDT

Everyone has different relationships with money. Some of us grew up with a lot of it, and some of us didn't. The way you grew up can affect the way you see money for the rest of your life. It not only changes the way you act but also the way you think. If you grew up with money, you might have a different relationship to working than the rest of us. 

Maybe you see it as an extraneous activity, not something that you need to do to survive. This might shape your romantic relationship, your friendships, and your personal life. Your priorities are different, and you have different ways of moving through the world. This can get difficult when you're in a relationship with someone who has a different connection to their finances. When you get married, the dream is to build your life together. 

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  • 01

    AITAH for asking my future in-laws for money?

    My fiance's parents are loaded. Old money loaded. They can afford what I'm asking no problem. I make very good money at my job. I'm currently 27 and earn over $170,000 USD a year. Tim is a teacher. He doesn't make as much bit he has a trust fund so he works sort of as public service. It's big in his family.
    via u/Strange-Corner5670
  • 02
    8:00-22:00 9:00-22:00 N
    via Unsplash+ (Getty Images)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This usually means combining your income. But what happens when somebody comes to the marriage with a lot more than the other? What are the expectations of both of you, and whether or not you're going to change your lifestyle? Those are the questions that came up in the story about somebody who married into an old-money family, and quickly learned what that meant. 

  • 03
    Recently I had a weird conversation with him and his folks. They think after the wedding I should quit working and be a stay at home mom. I thought they were joking and kind of laughed. They are perfectly serious. They think it's emasculating that I earn more than Tim.
    via u/Strange-Corner5670
  • 04
    Over the course of my career I will earn much more than him. But his trust fund is low seven figures. He could afford to pay me what I earn yearly but he can't due to the stipulations of his trust. His mom on the other hand has lots of interest built up in her trust.
    via u/Strange-Corner5670
  • 05
    So I offered a solution I thought was fair. They set up an unrecoverable trust for me. They must contribute my gross earnings yearly with bumps for anticipated raises and promotions. The deposits would be for the next 35 years. That was I'm a stay at home mom, Tim is the breadwinner, and I'm protected in the case of a divorce.
    via u/Strange-Corner5670
  • 06
    They went nuts. Apparently I'm ridiculous for thinking they will give me money. I offered a compromise. I sign a prenup wherein I am entitled to half of Tim's trust fund in the case of divorce of I give up my career. Also not acceptable to them. I'm kind of at a loss. Do they honestly think I would give up my career with zero safety net?
    via u/Strange-Corner5670
  • 07
    My mom says I'm being kind of ride putting everything in such stark monetary terms. I think I'm being reasonable. What do you think?
    via u/Strange-Corner5670
  • 08
    Cheezburger Image 10526685440
    via Rapha Wilde

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 09

    Commenters came to her defense.

    Sc... • • 13h ago Edited 13h ago Your proposals didn't fit their plan to totally control you and your husband and dole out money based on compliance with their instructions and ultimately being in charge of any children you have and so on. Get that pre-nup. To protect YOU.
    via u/Scenarioing
  • 10
    kiwi62300 · 13h ago • NTA, they are asking you to give up financial security for him but don't want him risk anything in return. You are 27 making $170,000 a year, you are obviously good at what you're doing and have put the work in.
    via u/kiwi62300
  • 11
    This is the time that your fiancé should be standing up for you and shutting his family down, his response here should tell you everything you need to know about your future marriage. Don't do it, protect your future first.
    via u/kiwi62300
  • 12
    Informal_Ask6646 · 13h ago . Old money is weird. They live by their own rules. They are not worried about a divorce because you are a possession to show off, like a nice car or watch. If Tim gets tired of you later, you should feel blessed he let you enjoy the time with
    via u/Informal_Ask6646
  • 13
    his family he did. I work with a lot of these families, and it's wild how they actually view people. They will do charities and say nice things to the public to keep up appearances. But you just got a first hand experience of what the true behind the scenes conversations look like.
    via u/Informal_Ask6646
  • 14
    Don't quit your job, if they have a problem with it ensure the trust is setup in your name.
    via u/Informal_Ask6646
  • 15
    Redeeming_Reader... 13h ago . NTA. If it's emasculating that you earn more, that's a problem your finance needs. to handle himself. You have earned your career and pension. They cannot expect you to just give that up to save face. I'd seriously
    via u/Redeeming_Reader_34
  • 16
    consider whether or not you want to be a part of a family like that. And Tim either needs to back you on what you want or decide himself if he's okay with being "emasculated"
    via u/Redeeming_Reader_34
  • 17
    Dooraven 13h ago NTA. You are being completely reasonable lol. They want a SAHM, they better pay for a SAHM.
    via u/Dooraven
  • 18
    bigsigh7 12h ago My mother was guilted into giving up her career to stay home as a mom and it was the worst decision she's ever made. Her cicrumstances were a little different, but she was also married to a man whose family had money and told her she needed to focus
    via u/bigsigh7
  • 19
    on being a mother, and he was going to be a lawyer and take care of her and all of that stuff a immigrant's daughter dreams of. And then that didn't happen and she was stuck at home relying on him for money that he wasn't bringing in. But by then her
    via u/bigsigh7
  • 20
    career was gone, she was 40 with three kids, an associate's degree that she never got the chance to further with the company that would have paid for more schooling, and all her friends from that job were gone too. No professional connections, no honed skills, no income. You never know what could happen. Don't let yourself be unprepared.
    via u/bigsigh7
  • 21
    Ok-Presentation97... . 13h ago You are doing exactly as you should. Women are not moving backwards for mens egos to be stroked. They were comfortable telling you to uproot your life for Tim's manhood but immediately uncomfortable when you asked for a safety net? NTA
    via u/Ok-Presentation9740
  • 22
    SnowPrincess15 · 12h ago Being a stay at home mom with no financial security if things go wrong is too big of a risk... I suggest you read this: Please don't become a stay-at-home mother
    via u/SnowPrincess15
  • 23
    You mention your partner was there during the conversation, what did he say to all of this? His family seems like a huge red flag to me, and he is part of it. If he did not defend your interest to his parents, are you sure you want to marry him? What kind og control will his family want to have over
    via u/SnowPrincess15
  • 24
    you if you even have kids? Or you want to go back to work someday? This is pretty scary to me, but I am stuck in an ab ive relationship so I am very sensitive to those topics, but this does not seem normal to me, like at all.
    via u/SnowPrincess15
  • 25
    If your partner does not have your best interest at all, which includes financial security of something ever goes wrong, then I think you should reevaluate marrying him. Be very careful if you decide to marry him. Get a prenup, a lawyer, and protect yourself.
    via u/SnowPrincess15
  • 26
    SnooWords4839 · 12h ago . Keep working, Tim can be a SAHD, get a prenup and keep your earnings separate from them.
    via u/SnooWords4839
  • 27
    • Capable-Pressure1... 13h ago I'd be seriously re-thinking. my entering this family.
    via u/Capable-Pressure1047
  • 28
    . PomegranateZanzi... 13h ago Emasculating? Seriously? If your fiance thinks the same I'd reevaluate the relationship. If not he should have told his parents to b t out a long time ago.
    via u/PomegranateZanzibar
  • 29
    leadbelly1939 • 13h ago . If you find your career fulfilling and you are good at it, don't give it up. It will be something that is yours and yours alone. You can figure out staying home when or if you have kids. You are being very smart to get an agreement in place.
    via u/leadbelly1939
  • 30
    CatCafffffe · 12h ago • I'm a screenwriter and I love my work, and I've always been the breadwinner, earning far more than my husband. Both his parents and my parents were appalled at this and could NOT stop commenting on how hard this must be for him, how dreadful
    via u/CatCafffffe
  • 31
    this is, and so forth. Finally I asked my husband, and he laughed and said he loved it. Because of my job he was able to follow his dream of opening a bookstore, which we were absolutely able to do because of my income. If it was the other way around no one would have given it a second thought!
    via u/CatCafffffe
  • 32
    46 years later, he still loves it. He's my biggest supporter. The ONLY thing that matters here is what your future husband thinks. If he is ANYTHING other than "i love this, I love you, I fully support you, I think it's wonderful that you're so successful and let me know how I can help you be even more successful," this is not a marriage to consider.
    via u/CatCafffffe
  • 33
    I wouldn't even deign to discuss it with your disgusting, misogynist in laws. And I also wouldn't even begin to consider leaving your job to be fully dependent on your husband and bu ying inlaws. Not ONE thought!
    via u/CatCafffffe
  • 34
    Flamesweett • 7h ago girl ur ask wasn't even wild, it was logical af... they're the ones bringing up this "stay- at-home" plan so u just set clear terms to protect urself, period. giving up your income, career momentum, retirement contributions etc ain't some lil favor-it's a
    via u/Flamesweett
  • 35
    huge a sacrifice. and tbh if they're that rich, the fact they flipped out over u wanting security says more abt them than u. like they want control, not partnership. ur mom means well but in this case being blunt was the only way to get taken seriously.
    via u/Flamesweett
  • 36
    MyRedditUserNam... • 12h ago They don't like that you earn a good salary. It would be harder for them to control you with their money if you aren't financially reliant on them. Trust your instincts OP. Keep your career.
    via u/MyRedditUserName428
  • 37
    ThisWeekInTheReg... 12h ago OP, I love you. This made me laugh, because this is the real monetary situation when women give up work, but no one wants to acknowledge that. They're living in another century.
    via u/ThisWeekInTheRegency
  • 38
    The big question is: what does your fiancé think about all this? If the term 'emasculated' was used, did it come from him? Better get that sorted out before you marry. NTA.
    via u/ThisWeekInTheRegency

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stay at home mom long term relationship relationship advice healthy marriage aita relationship marriage relationship status trust fund relationship-drama reddit story marriage-drama relationships old money story family reddit thread Reddit money healthy relationship
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